Fic: Everything Changes, Kara/Laura, soft R, AU, pretty heavy angst

[lanalucy]

In my continuing Healing Arts series.

Kara gets her PCS letter after she's back on duty.

Also on AO3.

Thanks to newnumbertwo for the beta!

It was only about a week after Laura’s doctor visit that Kara checked her mail and found the letter from Fleet. She’d apparently been medically cleared for three-quarters duty - she wasn’t ready to fly yet, but she was cleared for virtually everything else. Her physical therapist had said she was about ready, but Kara was a little surprised to get this letter when she still had PT appointments on the books.

She rode to Laura’s house, pondering how soon she’d get put back on duty, whether or not they’d have her teaching nuggets again. She pulled up on her motorcycle about the same time Laura pulled in from her day at the office. She hurried over to open Laura’s door and help with her bag.

“Hi.” She grinned at Laura, who had given her motorcycle the side-eye.

“Hi, Kara. You wanna go out for dinner? I had a really good day, and I’d like to show my girlfriend off.” Laura raised a hand for Kara to help her out of the car.

“Mmm. Maybe. You gonna wear a dress? I bet your girlfriend loves you in a dress.” She waggled her eyebrows at Laura.

“I might. Especially if she wears one, too. A short one.”

“She could do that.” Kara kissed Laura and took her valise, linking her other hand with Laura’s. “You could wear that slinky blue thing with the swirly hem.” She dropped the role play. “Where ya wanna go?”

“Enrique’s? They won’t be too busy tonight, so we can linger if we want to.”

“Yum.” She unlocked the door, let Laura go in front of her, and closed it behind them. Kara stepped closer to Laura and wrapped her arms around her, snuggling in for a quiet moment. Depending on her schedule, they might not get too many more of these.

Laura nuzzled Kara’s neck without any real intent. “Mmm. You feel good.” She stayed there for a minute or two longer, then stepped back. “I’ll need a shower before we go out. I need to wash the office out of my hair.”

Kara smiled as she pushed a lock of hair behind Laura’s shoulder. “You want help?”

Laura shook her head. “If we shower together, we’ll never get to Enrique’s. Let’s save that for later.”

“Okay. I’ll use the guest shower to get ready, then.”

“Half an hour?”

“Done.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Looking down at the letter in her hand, Kara thought about that dinner at Enrique’s and the sensual play that had followed. It had been the best night in a while, and it might be the last one they’d get for the foreseeable future - these were PCS orders, and they weren’t for flight school.Frak!
~~~~~~~~~~
“No, Kara.” Laura was adamant. “You will be on that ship, gods know where, for at least a year. Maybe you think you can do without for a year, but I’m saying you don’t have to.” It was inarguably the most difficult thing she’d ever done, breaking up with Kara, and she was doing a shitty job of it. Kara was getting angry, and Laura was nearly in tears, and the whole frakkin’ thing was a mess, but there was no way Kara could live for a year without sex, no matter how much she swore up and down that she could, and there was no way Laura would put that on her. She had to find a better way to express it, something that Kara would accept, or at least understand.

Before she could formulate what to say, though, Kara broke in. “Is this your way of telling me you’re not happy?” Her voice got even quieter, and she asked, “Do you want to see other people?”

How the frak am I supposed to answer that? She didn’t, but maybe Kara needed to think she did. It didn’t take her long to realize that she’d rather be honest. She didn’t want Kara leaving her and never coming back, just because she’d tried to push her away for perfectly good reasons. “No. I don’t want to see other people. I’m not looking for an excuse to hop into bed with someone else the moment you’re gone. I’m just trying to be practical. We have a great sex life, but I already can’t keep up with you. How are you supposed to meet your needs if you’re trying to be faithful to someone here? Besides that, we haven’t actually talked about that. Neither of us has seen other people, but not because we ever decided that - we just started spending so much time together that there was no room for anyone else.” Kara still looked unhappy, and there was no way to reassure her that wouldn’t make Kara even more determined to try to be celibate while she was gone. Kara’d be miserable within a month, and a miserable Kara wouldn’t be at peak performance.

Laura took a deep breath. “I want you to go to your new ship and do your job. I want you to have as good a life as you can have, and I want you to enjoy your time away - smoke cigars, drink ambrosia, skin your fellow crew in Triad or pool. Fly. Your stuff will be safe. Your studio will be taken care of. When and if you decide to come back to me, I’ll be here. If either of us change our minds while you’re gone, we’ll be adults about it.” Kara hung her head and nodded, and Laura knew that she still hadn’t said exactly the right thing.

Their lovemaking that night was frenzied and desperate. When Kara fell asleep, Laura made herself get out of bed and get Kara’s bag out of the garage closet. The duffle bag was heavier than she’d expected, but all of Kara’s military-issue clothing was in it. She stashed it in her car and dropped the entire thing off to be cleaned. Her Kara wasn’t leaving for a year with dust mites inhabiting her underwear. Maybe as Kara unpacked on her ship, she’d realize that Laura hadn’t broken up with her, she’d just sent her to do her job with no strings attached. She took a moment to wonder how things might have been different if they’d been married. Would she have gone with Kara? She decided it was better not to think about it. She had a job to do, and so did Kara, and Kara needed a clear head to do hers.
~~~~~~~~~~
The morning Kara was scheduled to leave, they were both awake earlier than usual, and Kara was unexpectedly silent. Laura could see that she’d already started withdrawing into herself, and she hoped that Kara would remember Laura loved her.

She was still on a modified schedule, and she’d rearranged things so that she could be with Kara right up until she walked away. Kara looked at her across the table and said, “I’ve got a cab coming in half an hour.”

“What? I fixed my schedule so that I could take you to the transport station.”

Kara shook her head. “I need this to be the last place I see you. I won’t be able to leave if you’re there with me.”

Tears welled in Laura’s eyes, but she took a couple of deep breaths and ground her hands together under the table. “Oh.”

“I know it’s not what you wanted.” She licked her lips. “I’m not going to write while I’m gone. I can’t. Not with -”

Laura broke in. “I understand, Kara. I won’t expect letters or phone calls.” The way Kara was building the wall around herself was heartbreaking, but it was her own fault, so she’d live with the consequences.

Kara nodded and stood abruptly. “I - I’ve got to go. I’ll let you know when I’m coming back.”

Laura’s fingernails dug into her skin as she watched the woman she loved walk out of her life. As soon as the door slammed shut, she released the wail she’d been holding in and dropped her head to the kitchen table to cry.