Fic: Prizewinner, Kara/Karl, PG-13, AU, no warnings

[lanalucy]

Prompt: textsfromlastnight: "Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuckbuddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again."

Thanks to newnumbertwo for the beta!

Karl picked up Kara and swung her around. “Look, guys! It’s my Kara!”

“Oh my gods, Karl! Could you be any drunker?”

Karl laughed. “Acourse I could be drunker, Kara! But my buddies here took care o’ me, dintya guys?”

Kara watched in bemusement as the men on either side of Karl took turns kissing him - showy, tongue-filled kisses. Boy, was she ever going to have blackmail material for months over this. It was a really good thing she wasn’t the jealous type.

The taller one, taller even than Karl, finally pulled away with a loud smack, and Karl snickered. “You’ve kissed me and I’ve kissed Kara, so now you’ve kissed Kara!” He looked so pleased with his logic.

Kara saw the gleam in the other man’s eyes, and took a step back, but he had a longer reach, and he’d already put his arm around her waist and bent her over backwards to give her a vidstar kiss. Kara was dazed when he pulled her upright again.

“Wow, Karl. You’re right! She’s a good kisser.”

Kara blushed, and hoped the light in the bar was low enough that nobody noticed, because he wasn’t such a bad kisser himself. Damn. She might have to get one of her toys out, because Karl was clearly too wasted to be able to get it up. He did have a tongue, though…..

“Kara’s a GREAT kisser! And she’s great at other things, too, like -”

“Karl!” She grabbed his arm and put a hand over his mouth. Not that she was ashamed or anything, but gods, Did he have to tell the whole frakkin’ bar how good she was at blowjobs?

“She is, huh?” Both the other men eyed her speculatively. “I bet we’re better.”

Karl’s forehead wrinkled. “Better at what? OH!! No way! Kara’s REALLY good.”

REALLY good Kara wanted to sink into the floor.

One of the guys patted Kara on the arm and pushed Karl toward Kara. “You’ll have to come back sometime when he’s a little more sober. Then we’ll see who’s REALLY good, honey.” He winked at her. “There may be a trick or two we can show you to blow him away. Pun intended.”

Kara dragged Karl toward the door, doing her best imitation of a bulldozer, difficult with Karl bobbing and weaving at her side. Just as they reached the entrance, one of the guys came rushing up, waving something glittery at her. “Wait, wait! He forgot his sash!”

Kara gave the “sash” and Karl both the side-eye, and the guy exclaimed, “He got the award for the Best Striptease!”

Kara’s mouth fell open. She looked at Karl and his very pleased pawing of his “sash” and looked back at the guy, who was still smirking over the “trick or two” comment he’d made.

“Striptease? Karl did a striptease?”

“Yep. Hot stuff!” He fanned himself extravagantly.

Kara decided to just forget her reticence and roll with the evening. “I don’t suppose anybody got it on their phones?”

“Oooooh, girlfriend, I bet someone did. What’s your number?” He reached into his back pocket for his phone, handing it over to her. She typed in Kara for her first name and Wants Karl’s Striptease for the last name, then entered her phone number. She saved it and handed it back. He barely looked at it before shoving it back into his pocket. “I will find somebody who got it and send it to you!”

Kara grinned, her first unrestrained smile of the evening. “Thank you so much…?”

He looked puzzled for a moment, then said, “Oh! Oliver, honey. I’m Oliver.”

She held out her hand. “So nice to meet you, Oliver.”

Oliver ignored her hand, pulling her into an exuberant hug. “You are welcome back anytime, Kara, honey. I bet you’ve got some stories about our Karl here.”

“I think my stories might pale in comparison to yours, Oliver.”

He smiled mysteriously and said, “You never know.”

Kara dragged Karl out the front door to her truck and shoved him in facedown on the front seat, and decided it was a good thing she lived in a ground floor apartment at the moment.

---

Karl groaned at the simultaneous pain in his head and his bladder, fell off the side of the bed and half-crawled to the bathroom. He managed to stand to take a piss, and as he washed his hands, he focused on the glittery rainbow sash hanging on the bathroom mirror. Right next to a sticky note from Kara.

Every little girl dreams of the day she picks up her frakbuddy because he’s drunk at the gay bar, Karl.  I’ll expect a reenactment of the prize-winning striptease.

What the frak had he done last night?