Fic: Deathbed Confessions, K/L, PG, no warnings

[lanalucy]

Much thanks and many hugs to newnumbertwo for being my ever-patient beta.

“Nothing, Lee?  Come on, there has to be something you’ve always wanted but never told anyone.”

He shook his head stubbornly.

“Get comfortable.  Back against the wall.”

He raised a brow at her.

“Just get comfortable.  I’ll go first, but I can’t look at you when I tell you.”  She nearly burst out laughing at how quickly he complied then.  She sat in front of him, wriggling until she was tight against him, his legs surrounding her, both their BDU jackets layered over his knees to hold in their body heat.  She leaned her head back onto his shoulder and pulled his arms tight around her.

“I was always jealous of Gianne.”  He laughed and she said, “Not that….well okay, that too, but no...you guys dated long enough that I bet you cooked her dinner at least once.”  She sighed.  “I always wanted someone to cook something just for me.  Put some effort into being with me.”

“What’d you want?”

“Anything.  As long as it was made just for me.”

“Messy or neat?”

She laughed softly.  “You know I’m always up for messy, Lee.”

“Hmph.  Spaghetti.  Or lasagna.  Some nice garlic bread.  Something rich and choclaty for dessert”

“Spaghetti.  With meat sauce, not meatballs.  Lots of garlic.  Dessert needs to be something we could eat in bed.  If you’re going with messy.”

“Noted.”

“Okay.  Your turn.”

“You sure you want to hear this?”

“Yes, Lee.”  She felt something move against her lower back. Hmmm.  She scooted a tiny bit closer and grinned when he groaned under his breath. Say it, Lee.  Tell me something you’ve never admitted to yourself.

He shrugged behind her.  “You’re gonna think it’s stupid.”

“Stupider than being jealous of your boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend because he cooked for her?”

“Did Zak really never cook for you?”

She shook her head.  “He really didn’t put much effort into being with me.  Neither did I.  We were just….easy.  We didn’t have to try very hard to be with each other.  Until he didn’t pass his Viper quals.”

“I always wanted that - the easy.  I never had a relationship like the one you had with Zak.”

She turned her head, though he was more of an outline in the semi-darkness.  “Not even Gianne?  You guys seemed comfortable with each other.”

He shook his head.  “I always felt like I had to work to be good enough for her.”

“Did she ever actually say that?”

“No.  I just...she was always encouraging me and introducing me to people that could do something for me.  I wished that she would stop.  Love me the way I was.  Love me for being me.  No one’s ever done that, my entire life.”

“I did.”  She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t say anything.  “I never wanted you to be anything other than Lee.”

He hugged her tighter and nuzzled his chin into her neck.  “You didn’t love me best.”

“Lee!”  She elbowed him.  “I loved you more than I should have loved my boyfriend’s brother.  Besides, maybe I didn’t love you best when Zak was alive.  But I loved you last.”  She felt him draw in and hold his breath, pondering what she’d said.

“You’ve given up, haven’t you, Kara?  You don’t think we’re getting out of here.”

“What?!  Of course we’re getting out!”

“No.  If you thought we were, you’d never be telling me any of this.”

“Does thinking I’m making a deathbed confession make the words meaningless, Lee?  Would they be somehow worth more to you if I said them before a morning briefing?”

His voice was smaller now.  “No.”  And more hesitantly, “And yes.”

A long, awkward silence followed, broken half an eternity later by, “Then, when we get out of here, I’ll say them again.”

She leaned back, letting him have a moment.  She needed it, too.  He’d given voice to her own fear: they weren’t getting out of here.  But afraid or not, she wasn’t giving up.  Starbuck had saved Apollo against greater odds than this.  And Lee didn’t need to know she was afraid.  He’d lose hope, and hopeless Lee didn’t push hard enough to keep her fighting.   So….

“Tell me something else, Lee.  But this time, it has to be juicy.  No more maudlin fantasies about having an easy relationship.”  She twisted in his arms.  “And if you wanted easy, why in the gods’ name did you decide you wanted me?”

He said something, but even right next to him, it was too low for her to understand.  “What was that, Lee?”

“You might not be easy, Kara, but loving you is the easiest thing I ever did.”

Huh.  Not the distraction she’d intended.  “Juicy secrets, Lee.  Spill now.”

“No.  You go first again.”

“You asked for it, Lee.”  She scooted back until there was no space left between them.  She let her voice go low and sexy.  “Mmm.  You’re warm.”

“That’s your juicy fantasy, Kara?  I’m warm?”

“Nope.  Just making a comment.”  She pretended to think harder about her fantasy.  She had some seriously racy fantasies about Lee Adama, but she couldn’t shock him too much.  Oh!  “I’ve always wanted someone to paint me.”

“Paint you? That’s your juicy fantasy?  I think I’m disappointed.”

“Not like that.  I don’t mean paint a picture of me.  I mean paint me.  With edible paints or colored wax or...chocolate.”  And now he was definitely not thinking about how they weren’t getting out of here.  She shifted position.  Nope, he was thinking about painting her body with chocolate if she were to hazard a guess.

He groaned, and his voice cracked as he spoke.  “Chocolate….could be eaten in bed.  For dessert, I mean.”

“Yes, Lee.”  She giggled when she felt him react behind her.  “Now, if you can stop your big brain from calculating how much chocolate it would take to paint my entire body, it’s your turn.” Will he tell me, or make up something else?

“You sure you want to do this, Kara?  It’s really lame.”

“Yes, Lee.  I want to hear it, lame or not.” It doesn’t feel lame to me.

He leaned forward, mouth hovering near her ear.  “I want…”  He sat back.  “No.  I can’t tell you.  It’s ridiculous.”

“Come on, Lee.  Worse than me wanting someone to paint me?”  She turned a little sideways in the space between his knees, leaning her hip harder against him.

“I’d a whole lot rather think about painting you in chocolate than this.”

“Just tell me, Lee.  Close your eyes, and put your mouth on my ear, and whisper it.  You don’t even have to say it out loud.”

He groaned.  “Fine.  I want you to say yes.”

She pretended not to understand.  “Yes to what?”

“Just yes.  You’re always laughing at me, telling me no.  I want to hear you say ‘Yes.’  A lot.”

She lifted her chin and put her ear on his chest.  “So we’re clear, you want me to say yes, but not to anything in particular.  Just yes.  A lot.”  His heart was already beating faster.  “So when you do this,” She pulled his hand up her ribs to the underside of her breast, “you want me to say ‘Yes, Lee.’  And if you did this,”  She pushed his hand in to cup her breast beneath her tanks, “you’d want me to say ‘Yes, Lee.’  Am I getting it right?”

He stroked his thumb over her rapidly hardening nipple. “That’d be a good start.”

“And do you want me to say yes when we’re alone, or when we’re with other people?”

“Well, if I’m doing this, and this, alone would probably work better.”  He squeezed a handful of her.

She pulled his head down and kissed him, hot and wet and full of promise.  “It’ll have to wait until we’re back aboard, then.”  She backed away reluctantly.

“Why?”

“Pretty sure that was a Raptor breaking atmo, Lee.  We need to light the signal fire.”  She popped another quick kiss on his lips and stood up.

“A Raptor?” he echoed.

She grinned, knowing he couldn’t see the mischief in her expression.  “Yes, Lee.”

“Karaaaa,” he whined.

“Yes, Lee?”

“You’re going to pay for this.”

“Put your jacket on, Lee.  Don’t need everybody getting an eyeful.”

He growled at her.  “I’ll show you an eyeful.”

“Kinda counting on it.  Later, Lee.  I get an eyeful, and you get a whole lot of yes.”

“Deal.  Where are the matches?”

Comments

[fragrantwoods.livejournal.com]

I love their intimacy here, and how she knows him so well. His fantasy really is perfect for them.

[lanalucy]

Thanks!

I kept trying to over-think it, figure out how they'd gotten where they were, when in the series this was, where exactly they were, all of that. Finally, I told my brain to shut up and just wrote the part that was important. :D