You are one of the most loving, inclusive people out there, you know that? Props.
Using the wrong pronoun/name comes across as a sort of a slap in in the face. Rejection is the norm so even accidental misgendering naturally comes across as rejection.
It's a shame, but from what I've seen there's a sense of exclusion in the trans community. A lot of animosity too, in fact. There's a strange, "I may be gay, but at least I'm not trans" vibe that can be seen sometimes in the gay side of the LGBT community. Because trans acceptance is so much lower than gay acceptance, there seems to be the impression that many try to distance themselves publicly. There was a time when a lot of feminists saw transwomen as straight men who were trying to co-opt or even mock womanhood by making it out to be something that can be obtained through wardrobe choices or surgery. Supposed natural allies said things that should probably go unprinted. It's improving, but while gay marriage is fast rocketing toward almost interracial marriage levels of public acceptance, it's still no big deal to make cheap "hahaha look at the dude in a dress" jokes on TV. There's loads of bitterness.
The whole cis/trans thing is just a sub category of "woman." Just a way of emphasizing that someone is not somehow less of a woman for lacking certain organs. I wouldn't expect a transwoman to call herself that. She'd call herself a woman unless there was some need to make the distinction. Same for ciswomen/men. It don't think many trans people *identify* as trans. It seems to be more of a description than anything else. A fact they would like to put behind themselves after transitioning. YMMV.
Another thing to consider is whether it's okay to use the person's preferred pronouns/name publicly. That was a big deal, I recall, when I was involved with the campus LGBT organization. Often someone might unable to come out publicly, and might choose to confide in only a few people. In which case it's a serious faux-pas (to say the least) to let the cat out of the bag by using the person's chosen name and pronouns where it could raise questions.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-02-26 01:35 am (UTC)Using the wrong pronoun/name comes across as a sort of a slap in in the face. Rejection is the norm so even accidental misgendering naturally comes across as rejection.
It's a shame, but from what I've seen there's a sense of exclusion in the trans community. A lot of animosity too, in fact. There's a strange, "I may be gay, but at least I'm not trans" vibe that can be seen sometimes in the gay side of the LGBT community. Because trans acceptance is so much lower than gay acceptance, there seems to be the impression that many try to distance themselves publicly. There was a time when a lot of feminists saw transwomen as straight men who were trying to co-opt or even mock womanhood by making it out to be something that can be obtained through wardrobe choices or surgery. Supposed natural allies said things that should probably go unprinted. It's improving, but while gay marriage is fast rocketing toward almost interracial marriage levels of public acceptance, it's still no big deal to make cheap "hahaha look at the dude in a dress" jokes on TV. There's loads of bitterness.
The whole cis/trans thing is just a sub category of "woman." Just a way of emphasizing that someone is not somehow less of a woman for lacking certain organs. I wouldn't expect a transwoman to call herself that. She'd call herself a woman unless there was some need to make the distinction. Same for ciswomen/men. It don't think many trans people *identify* as trans. It seems to be more of a description than anything else. A fact they would like to put behind themselves after transitioning. YMMV.
Another thing to consider is whether it's okay to use the person's preferred pronouns/name publicly. That was a big deal, I recall, when I was involved with the campus LGBT organization. Often someone might unable to come out publicly, and might choose to confide in only a few people. In which case it's a serious faux-pas (to say the least) to let the cat out of the bag by using the person's chosen name and pronouns where it could raise questions.