Thanks. I try to be. And I seriously needed that today.
I did one of those Safe Allies things at the university when I was there (there needed to be at least one certified Safe Ally in each building or something along those lines), and it was pretty comprehensive, but still not approaching the level of information I'm trying to absorb now.
Rejection is such a hard thing, and ANYthing can trigger feeling like we're being rejected.
"The whole cis/trans thing is just a sub category of "woman." Just a way of emphasizing that someone is not somehow less of a woman for lacking certain organs. "
That's finally where I got with this last night. I don't like the label, but how many times in my life is it going to come up? Is it going to matter in five years that someone put that label on me and I let myself get angry over it? No. So, I'll just accept the label if it ever comes up in conversation and move on. Pick my battles, so to speak, because seriously, what someone labels ME is nothing in the overall scheme of things - I don't care when people call me ugly names, so why am I getting cranky about this? There are far more important things for me to get angry or hurt about.
In this particular case, I was told, "This is the name I have chosen, and this is how I wish to be addressed, even if my father or brother are around. If they don't like it, it's their problem." Prior to this, I was taking the path of least resistance, and I explained that. "You say you don't care which pronouns or what name I use, so I'll continue to use the ones I'm used to. When and if you tell me you want that to be different, I'll do that." So now that I have a clear-cut decision and instructions, I can adjust.
I have learned via some heated (not angry, but passionate) discussions on this and related subjects, that I do not look at people in the "normal" way, so I guess I'm a special snowflake. Like I didn't already know that.
no subject
I did one of those Safe Allies things at the university when I was there (there needed to be at least one certified Safe Ally in each building or something along those lines), and it was pretty comprehensive, but still not approaching the level of information I'm trying to absorb now.
Rejection is such a hard thing, and ANYthing can trigger feeling like we're being rejected.
"The whole cis/trans thing is just a sub category of "woman." Just a way of emphasizing that someone is not somehow less of a woman for lacking certain organs. "
That's finally where I got with this last night. I don't like the label, but how many times in my life is it going to come up? Is it going to matter in five years that someone put that label on me and I let myself get angry over it? No. So, I'll just accept the label if it ever comes up in conversation and move on. Pick my battles, so to speak, because seriously, what someone labels ME is nothing in the overall scheme of things - I don't care when people call me ugly names, so why am I getting cranky about this? There are far more important things for me to get angry or hurt about.
In this particular case, I was told, "This is the name I have chosen, and this is how I wish to be addressed, even if my father or brother are around. If they don't like it, it's their problem." Prior to this, I was taking the path of least resistance, and I explained that. "You say you don't care which pronouns or what name I use, so I'll continue to use the ones I'm used to. When and if you tell me you want that to be different, I'll do that." So now that I have a clear-cut decision and instructions, I can adjust.
I have learned via some heated (not angry, but passionate) discussions on this and related subjects, that I do not look at people in the "normal" way, so I guess I'm a special snowflake. Like I didn't already know that.
{hugs}